Understanding Your Expectations in Relationships
Life can throw so many incredible experiences your way. As a parent, a wife, a minister and college instructor and Life and Business Coach, I find myself in what I call the REAL. I am in the field in every area of my life. The commonality of all of these hats that I where is understanding the importance of building relationships. Those relationships are the pillar of your life successes. You have to be able to connect with people on every level and in every situation. I meet so many different people that I am often finding myself evaluating and re evaluating the relationship. That evaluation is a series of questions that include how can I help this person with their life destiny? How is this apart of my ultimate destiny? Is this the right person for me to connect with? Is this the right time to connect with this person? These questions when you get to be my age (LOL) start to be more relevant.
I want people in my life that I can add value to and they can vice versa add value to mine. I think this is desire for most women. That we can find women of Faith that we can connect with and be a source of strength and empowerment for each other. The reality of that is most of time that value stems upon EXPECTATIONS. What is that you expect in the relationship? Should I even have any expectations? Well for those you love and are close to I believe it is difficult not to have expectations. For my children I have expectations of them becoming well educated, that they at an early age begin to seek out their life’s destiny. I expect them to be women and men of Faith. That they would follow the God I love and be focused on helping people and making a certain sacrifice to make their community a better place. For those I mentor I have expectations for the individual to stay the course. To be truthful and to work hard towards their dreams and aspirations. But want I have found is that those expectations though they are good can be dangerous. They are dangerous because so much of the time those expectations are never met. Often times the ones you love disappoint you the most. So is there a way that I can establish healthy relationships where expectations are not contingent on the relationship continuing? I mean does the individual’s ability to meet your expectations decide if you want to be connected? There are a couple of principles I would like to share with you regarding your expectations in relationships:
#1 Defining the relationship at the beginning will allow all parties involved to have reasonable expectations as the relationship progresses.
When I am approached by women who are asking that I mentor them, the first question I ask is what their expectations are. What is their perspective of the relationship and what are their needs in the relationship.
#2 Categorize the relationship.
Relationships, I believe have categories. We as we mature have to learn to put each of them in their places. Mentoring, casual aquaintances and business relationships are all totally different relationship. By putting the relationship in its proper category it helps you to be reasonable about the connection you are making.
#3 Learn to let go.
There are people who I believe God sends into your life for a reason and for an appointed time. When that reason or person has served its purpose sometimes it is just time to move on and let go.
Relationships provide for us our humaneness. It is that connection that we become more apart of our communities and become catalysts of change through the people we share and serve. I suggest that in addition to these principles that we create habits to love people for who they are and who they could be. And to just be safe, expect the unexpected!
You are correct, at certain age you just don’t have time for trivial relationships. Chit-chatting on the phone about nothing and hanging out because you have nothing else to do may have been okay when you were younger and trying to find yourself. But once you know your mission those days are OVER!
It is amazing how many women will hold on to the past relationship and try to hold on to you through those past activities. It is important that one choose to follow the principles that you outline above. Or else they will be living others expectations.
Great post!
Thank you so much! We have to be able to define the relationships in our lives…
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